each other

dear hugh,

today we bid farewell to 'mama's boob'. it was time. {sniff, sniff}

i was sure you would stop nursing on your own...just so sure of it...after all, those expert parenting books said you would.
my-oh-my, how those book were wrong.
it's quite clear you're not going to stop on your own...and i know you desperately want {need} to because i'm afraid, my little one, you have become a....boob junkie.

it wasn't always this way...
i will miss those moments when 'mama's boob' would make the world stop...and your great big saucer blue eyes would stare up into mine...blinking ever-so-slowly and peacefully as you fed.
i will miss those moments when you felt sick, scared, hurt, bored or tired...and 'mama's boob' would cure all.

how will we bring a silent pause to the world...without 'mama's boob'?
how will we cure all things unpleasant in your very pleasant being...without 'mama's boob'?

i never intended for our nursing to become an addiction. i never intended on you even being able to say {rather loudly and in the most public places}, 'mama's boob!!!!' and actually mean 'i want mama's boob right now and will do anything i can to get to it'.

so the time has come...21 months later...
and i am setting you free.
or shall i say, 'mama's boob' is setting you free.

tonight, as i tried to help you fall asleep, you cried in my arms for an hour. i rocked you back and forth quietly singing and quietly wiping my own tears with my shoulder. so what a shock it was when your wailing suddenly stopped...and what an even bigger shock when your great big watery blue eyes met mine...and the world paused...you kissed me 1, 2, 3 times, sunk your head in to my shoulder and fell fast asleep.

you see hugh, we don't need 'mama's boob'...we've got each other.

love,
mummy.